The Lord of the Castaways
by Lily Knotwise
Summary: Absolutely no plot. Don't even read this, it's too stupid.
1. Intro

AN (Lily): Hello all! Thank you for checking out my story! I had to get some other things out of the way in my summery and didn't have enough space for what this is all about. Its basically about all the main characters from lotr being stuck on the island, and they have to learn to live with each other. At first Domiel (my friend who basically wrote the story and I helped and edited) and myself thought we could make this a lotr survivor kind of thing, but once we started writing it, we thought of a better idea. We have about six chapters written out on paper, so its just the matter of typing them out, but before I post a second chapter, I would REALLY appreciate it if you guys gave me some reviews, to see if there's any point putting more up, so If you can do that, the next chapter will come right up! Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the lotr characters (I wish) and they belong to Professor JRR Tolkien. However it is quite possible, that we changed some of the characters so much, there not really themselves (ex, Frank and Gamling) ;). There may be some lines from the movie or other TV shows (ex The Simpsons). I must also warn you that Domiel and I have read other stories and subconsciously picked up amusing things, and we might have subconsciously inserted them into our story. If you see ANYTHING that is somewhat copying others stories, PLEASE tell me! I do not want to get in trouble for something I didn't mean to do. I would take it off immediately. I feel that this is very important. Thank you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ And without further ado, our feature presentation!  
  
The Lord of the Castaways- Intro (Chapter 1)  
  
The teams are paddling across the water (the teams being the old farts against the youngin's). they are going to be on a game show *cough**cough* and aren't particularly happy about it. On the old farts raft, Sauron is looking bitterly at the sun cursing under his breath, Gollum is rocking back and forth, despite the angry shouts he gets from Lurtz. The ring refuses to paddle and the Anonymous V leader is plotting ways to tip the raft.  
  
"Goddammit Gollum! You're going to tip the fecking raft! Opps...oh, I guess they can edit that. Oh, *beep* it. I'll *beep*ing swear, if I *beep*ing want to!" says Lurtz. "Hey! How come you beeped me that time?" "Because I felt like it!" snapped the author. "Whatever..."  
  
"Ssssssssss! Sssssstupid Lurtzsssssss!" "My name is slurppey, goddmmit! SLURPPEY!" uh....slurppey yells to Gollum.  
  
"Yo dudes, shut up," says Grima.  
  
Back at the youngin's raft  
  
"Tinky Winky, Dipsy, La La......POE!" Gamling sings to himself, and on "Poe", shouts it in Haldir's face.  
  
Eomer shoves Gamling, knocking him into the water. "Shaddup ya crack head!"  
  
"HELP! I'M DROWNDING!" "The water is five feet deep you idiot!"  
  
While they're bickering, Frank is thinking to himself....  
  
Why am I the only ring wraith on this raft? What's wrong with me? "It's because I'm purple, isn't it?" he says out loud by accident.  
  
Everybody stops and stares at him.  
  
"Yeah, it is. We're sorry," says Pippin, with no real sympathy at all, and goes back to flirting with Diamond.  
  
Frank nods, taking it surprisingly well...then bursts into tears.  
  
"I'm sorry...I'm sorry...please don't send me back to that horrible place! It smells!"  
  
"No," says Rosie, "I say we suffocate you with a beach towel." Sam gives her an odd look.  
  
Aragorn stops in mid-sentence. "Dude... Whoa!" "I think I smoked too much pipe weed last night!" Faramir says, wide-eyed and grinning.  
  
They arrive at the shoreline, only to meet a talking tree. Pippin looks at it, looks back at diamond, then looks again (aka double take).  
  
"It's a tree... It's a beard... it's Treebeard!" exclaims Merry, and Estella giggles.  
  
The Ring...talking to itself:  
  
{Bwahaha...I am an evil ring, I am invincible, and sometimes, invisible. Ha! I kill me...ha...What the hell?!}  
  
"don't talk to it...don't encourage it...hell! Don't even look at it!" says Pippin.  
  
Meanwhile, Aragorn smiles stupidly as Eowyn and Arwen stroke his 'manly' stubble, and giggle dreamily. Then Eowyn suddenly snaps out of Arwen's elvish spell.  
  
"Goddammit pointy ears, he's mine!" Arwen looks at her for a while, then sighs. "You ruined the moment, ya daft pansy!" she suddenly bursts out.  
  
Aragorn shakes his head, "my dreams of a threesome are gone..." He pouts in a corner and watches Gamling trying to swim while singing "Under the Sea."  
  
Legolas stares at the man from Rohan in disbelief. "What's wrong with him?" Gimli shrugs, "meh!"  
  
At that moment, Frodo does something unexpected.  
  
"That's no the sea, you idiot!!!" he bursts out at Gamling. "Yeah! It's an ocean," adds Sam.  
  
Frank puts his head in his hands, "the ocean is the same as the see!"  
  
"Aww, shaddup Frank!"  
  
"Actually, oceans are a lot different from seas. Not only are Oceans much bigger, but they contain many different kinds of animals and plants. But they do share one thing in common, they both are made up of salt water, which you can't drink." Diamond stated in a matter-of-fact voice. They all nod and congratulate her on her amount of brain capacity, wishing they could say the same for themselves.  
  
Sauron looks at Diamond sourly, "shut up whatever-the-hell-your-name-is!"  
  
"Hey...you...don't talk to..." Pippin trails off as Sauron menacingly walks up to him, making himself appear three times the size of Pippin (which he is). "You...are a small, small man." Pippin frowns, and opens his mouth in protest when Diamond reaches out and pulls him away.  
  
"I'm not finished with you!" he yells. Gamling stifles a laugh, "he's so small!"  
  
Then, something very random once again happens. Galadriel, who had been very quiet until now, jumps into Gandalf's lap, and throws her arms around his neck.  
  
"I want a pony for Christmas!" She giggles uncontrollably and smoothers Gandalf with kisses. He didn't know what to think. "Where did that silly little elfie go? Where'd he go? Look at my perdy ring! It's sho perdy!!!"  
  
She spots Celeborn watching jealously and growling under his breath.  
  
Galadriel points at Celeborn and gasps, "dere he is!"  
  
She jumps off a flabbergasted Gandalf's lap and leaps into Celeborn's arms. "Now that's more like it!" he says.  
  
Gandalf is sitting, staring at the ground. "Okay 'den!" he says in a high pitched voice to himself.  
  
"Somebody's been hogging the pipe weed..." Isildur gives Galadriel a dirty look.  
  
"Why is everyone ignoring me?" Treebeard says slowly.  
  
"Because your so damn slow!"  
  
"Shaddup Frank! We don't need your input!" "Well tough clams, your gonna get it! "Hehehe...clams! Haldir looks at Gamling with a raised eyebrow and shakes his head.  
  
This whole time, Saruman has been observing the scene, muttering to himself, "foolish mortals! I could be getting my nails done... but noooo! I had to be on a game show!"  
  
"That's where you're wrong my friend! We have decided...." Treebeard dozes off for a moment.  
  
"Yes...?" Merry asks.  
  
"Hmmm? What? Oh, yes, we have decided that you are very amusing to watch, from a safe distance. So, we're going to keep you all here...and we're going to go "part(" with the entwives. See y'all later!"  
  
"Holla!" shouts another ent. Treebeard looks at him strangely, "you just said 'holla'." "Ya...so?" Treebeard shakes his head.  
  
"What about the game show?" asks Bilbo.  
  
"Oh, that was just some cheap excuse to get you on the island!" Yells tree beard as he and the other ents run off as fast as they can (which, mind you, isn't very fast) and jump onto the waiting cruise boat. They could here Theoden's voice getting smaller, as he shrieked... "DAMN YOU, YOU Walking talking trees! I'll get y....."  
  
There's a long pause of silence amongst the castaways.  
  
"What are we going to do now?" Pippin inquired.  
  
Arwen snorted in disgust, "you ruined the moment ya daft pansy!"  
  
"You already said that..." "Shaddup Frank!" "I can't shut up...I'm the only ring wraith that talks!"  
  
"Hey, I talk!" says the Witch King. "Ya, but you don't count." "Goddammit, I'm the leader of the V!" Yes well, what I meant was, you're to superior to count." "I'd have to agree with you on that one. Carry on." He goes back to brushing his horse, Bob Marley.  
  
"Hey," says Frank, "how'd Bob Marley get here?" "No one cares how he got here, he's just here!" "Hey...you didn't say..." "Oh, yeah....SHADDUP!"  
  
AN (Domiel): And that's the end of that chapter! (copyright of Homer Simpson) We're getting pretty tired, Lily's falling asleep. Party pooper *sings the party pooper song*.  
  
Preview on next chapter: Legolas and Eowyn hit it off and take a walk (ooooohh). Haldir, Frank and Gamling play 'Imagination Circus' and the hobbits, Grima and the ring play poker. Frodo has another spaz and Sauron gets into Galadriel's stash (Oh, dear...).  
  
Like I said before, REVIEW! (please) 


	2. The Name Game Part One

AN (Lily): This is le second installment of le story. Longer and, I hope, funnier. Enjoy!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters, they belong to JRR Tolkien. Imagination Circus is MINE (Lily)! And I'm proud of it too! *says with big grin on face*  
  
The Lankey Yankee: Thanks for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it! You should be proud, you were my first (and only) reviewer! *throws confetti in air* Party!  
  
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In this chapter and the others after it, there's different "tents". some contain the people who belong together, some are just random torture for it occupants. (mostly referring to tent 7, who were basically the rejects...Legolas ain't pretty no more...)  
  
Tent 1:Gandalf, Saruman, Bilbo, Theoden and Isildur  
  
Tent 2:Celeborn, Sauron, Lurtz (Slurppey goddammit!), Gollum and Elrond  
  
Tent 3:eight Ringwraiths (Sandy, Pam, Harry, Bob, Marty, Joe, Oswald and the Anonymous V Leader)  
  
Tent 4:Arwen, Eowyn, Galadriel, Rosie, Diamond and Estella  
  
Tent 5:Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Eomer and Faramir  
  
Tent 6:Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin and for some odd reason... Grima  
  
Tent 7:Frank, Haldir, Gamling, Legolas and The Ring  
  
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The Lord of the Castaways- The Name Game Part One (Chapter 2)  
  
That night many things happened. Alliances were formed between some very strange people (well actually, they're all strange....). For one, Legolas fell in love with Eowyn... we don't know why or how...but he did.  
  
Eowyn snuck into Legolas's tent, whom he shared with Gamling, Haldir, Frank and The Ring. But since the four of them were to busy bickering, they didn't notice her come in. Eowyn shared a tent with the other ladies, and they all left except for Galadriel. For it seemed that she was still a bit out of it and was digging holes into the ground and singing into them.  
  
So Eowyn had got fed up with Galadriel's crack pot ideas, and went to go find someone to talk to. She found Legolas sitting in a corner of his tent watching Haldir, Frank and Gamling in disbelief (The Ring decided not to participate).  
  
"Gamling, shut up!"  
  
"but I want to go to the circus!" Gamling whined  
  
We're on a fecking island you little prick... there's no goddamn circus!" Haldir said in exasperation.  
  
Frank suddenly smiles, "I've got an idea! Lets play Imagination Circus!"  
  
"Aww...shaddup Frank," Haldir moans.  
  
"No... that's a good idea... how d'ya play?" asks Gamling, his eyes fixed on Frank.  
  
Frank's smile widen, and he explains the rules...  
  
The Rules of Imagination Circus:  
  
1.You must use your imagination *a rainbow suddenly appears over the author's head*  
  
2.You can use any item, but you have to pretend its something else  
  
3.You pass the item around in a circle and each player has to pretend it's something different  
  
4.The first person to fail to think of a new way of using the item, loses  
  
Eventually, all three of them are playing (though, they had to drag Haldir, kicking and screaming, into the game).  
  
By this time, Legolas and Eowyn had started a hearty conversation and were flirting uncontrollably. They decided to leaves these crack heads to play by themselves.  
  
"They've lost their marbles!" Eowyn mutters under her breath on their way out.  
  
"Nope," Gamling smiles stupidly and holds up a bag, "they're right here!"  
  
Haldir slaps Gamling upside the head and stats clearly, "no fudge for you!"  
  
"What if he doesn't want fudge?"  
  
"Shaddup Frank!"  
  
The Ring whispers to Legolas to take him to the hobbits outside, for he could not stand another moment with these 'people'.  
  
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Meanwhile, Frodo, Sam, Merry, Pippin, Rosie, Estella, Diamond and... Grima (?) were chillin' by the fire.  
  
"Yo, The Ring want to hang with you guys."  
  
Legolas threw the gold trinket at Frodo, then ran off into the trees with Eowyn.  
  
"Yo... dudes, ya wanna play strip poker?!" Grima asks, with a dirty smile on his face. The hobbits fidgeted nervously... and I'm sure if The Ring could move... it would of too.  
  
"Ummm... sure..." said Merry  
  
The rest of them murmured their protests.  
  
"It would be a lot better if he wasn't here," Estella whispered to Rosie as she cocked her head in Grima's direction.  
  
"Dude... I heard that!"  
  
So they cracked out the cards and started playing. Half an hour later, Sam had no shirt, Merry, no vest or shoes, Pippin, no scarf and the girls still had all their clothes on, save Diamond, who had to take down her hair due to Pippin beating her full house, high queens. Grima, sitting between Estella and Diamond, had only a very clingy pair of tighty whiteys.  
  
Sam put down his hand, "a flush! Grima..... off they go!"  
  
Diamond and Estella shrieked and jumped into Pippin and Merry's waiting arms.  
  
"Ahh! My virgin eyes!" screams Rosie.  
  
"Virgin... right," mutters Grima, but no one heard him.  
  
{It's not his fault he sucks at poker!} says The Ring.  
  
They all stop and stare at the little piece of gold beside Frodo.  
  
{What? You didn't know I could talk?}  
  
They all look at each other and shake their heads.  
  
{I have a heart too ya know! I have feelings...} The Ring says sappily.  
  
"No you don't!"  
  
"Shaddup Frank!" they all shout at the tent behind them.  
  
Suddenly, Frodo has another random out burst.  
  
"Goddammit Sam!! You just HAD to go and pull a FLUSH!!!"  
  
He slams his hand down on the huge tree stump  
  
"I FOLD!!"  
  
Sam stares at him, "Now, Mr. Frodo, what did Officer Frank tell you about drugs? Hmm?!"  
  
"I'm not high you stupid fat hobbit!!! I'M LOCOS!!"  
  
He points his fingers at his head and twirls them around, indicating that he's crazy.  
  
Rosie frowns at him, "hey......"  
  
Sam pouts and sticks his tongue out at him.  
  
"He he he! Did you hear him Gamling? LOCOS!!!"  
  
They heard Haldir's high-pitched laughs coming from the tent behind them.  
  
"What are you on, man?!?" yells Grima toward the tent.  
  
"Tee hee hee... Galadriel!"  
  
"Somebody had a mood swing!"  
  
"Goddammit Frank... SHUT UP!"  
  
AN: I've decided to split up chapter 2 into two parts. I hope you enjoyed the first part. Remember, the more you review, the more I'll write!  
  
Preview: That thing with Sauron and Galadriel's stash is coming up and Gandalf and Saruman have a wizard's showdown *DUN DUN DUN*. A lot more of the old farts we know and love and the same said for the younin's. Also, the hunger starts to set in... 


	3. The Name Game Part Two

AN (Lily): ok, I come online, to save some email addresses into my account, so I can email them while I'm in Germany, and suddenly, four reviews show up. It has been two weeks, and I only got two reviews, both on the same day by the same person. that's pretty damn good for a couple hours. Thank you, I definitely appreciate that. Yes, so that was my little story, see you all later(((((((.o wait, this is just a notice, o I still have to write a chapter((..sorry bout that, ok here it is!  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of them (although I dearly wish I did). They all belong to Professor JRR Tolkien. I think I technically own Frank, because there's no way he's like that in the books/movies, but just to be sure, I don't. (  
  
Lankey Yankee: thanks for telling your buddies about it, and thanks for trying to make the review (, sorry bout the wait(  
  
hyperactive forever: I didn't know that I don't except anonymous reviewers(.that's strange, I don't know how the fix that, sorry ( thanks for the review, but I'm sorry, I can't kill Diamond, Pippin marries her in the book, so he's with her in this. Don't worry, I'm in the same boat as you, we all want him((..hehe  
  
Blue fire elf princess: glad to know your reading. Thanks.  
  
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The Lord of the Castaways- The Name Game Part Two (Chapter 3)  
  
Celeborn, Lurtz((((.I mean, SLURPPEY(((Gollum and Elrond are sitting in their tent, talking about a certain other tent mate of their.  
  
"I think he's weird always wearing black(..EVERYTHING! And always moody!"  
  
"Ya, Sauron is a party pooper(."  
  
At that moment, the goth burst in yelling "HELLO THERE LADDIES!" his eyes wide with excitement, and he flung his arms out wide. "I AM BATMAN! Oh(. Would ya like a cup o'(..WHOA!!" he squealed in a Scottish accent as the tent pitched over and rolled down the hill they were perched on.  
  
"Nice one( Batman."  
  
"Would ya like a cup o' tea?!" He asked in a polite British accent.  
  
"No, Batman, I don't want your tea, all I want to know is, WHAT ARE YOU ON MAN?!" yelled Celeborn.  
  
Sauron smiled stupidly, "Galadriel!" and ran out of the collapsed tent. Celeborn scowled.  
  
"I think we should go on a drug hunt!" stated Elrond randomly.  
  
"Here, here!" agreed Lurtz(ah(I mean(Slurppey.  
  
Celeborn sighed, "foolish mortals! Can you not see that drugs are the only way of surviving without going crazy? Like poor Frodo!"  
  
"For one thing," Elrond states in a defensive manner, "I am immortal!"  
  
"What doessss that have to do with anythingsssss, preciousssss?" Hissed Gollum.  
  
"Shut up("  
  
"And your only half, too." says(. Slurppey.  
  
"That is true orc( but I still live forever! Muhaha!" Elrond does the Muh Ha Ha dance, until Slurppey attacks him and slaps him.  
  
"My(*slap* (Name(*slap*(Is(*slap*(Slurppey(*slap*" he roars.  
  
"Besides," says Elrond, drunkenly and Black-eyed, "we're not going to confiscate them, we're going to stash them safely into the overhead compartment and make people(.donate things for it." he smiles smugly at his great idea.  
  
"Ya!" Celeborn runs out of the tent, and trips over his own feet. He flies through the air then giggles and runs off on their "treasure hunt".  
  
Meanwhile, Gandalf and Saruman were practicing spells on each other, while Bilbo watched(. A very disturbed Bilbo. For these were some of the spells they were using(  
  
"Nudala Gandalfa!" which caused Gandalf's clothes to drop to the ground in a heap. Saruman giggled girlishly as Gandalf quickly retrieved his pants.  
  
"Nudala Findala Sarumana!" and Saruman was left to find his robes, which was Gandalf had hidden in the forest.  
  
Back to the Hobbits for a moment(  
  
As the halflings were playing cards, they saw a few, quite extraordinary sights.  
  
For one, they watched Sauron "fly" over to his tent, singing the Batman theme song. Then they heard a great deal of cursing and crashing, and finally, "would ya like a cup o' tea?!"  
  
Pippin replied excitedly to this, "is he Scottish?!" and rubbed his hands together, licking his lips, "good ol' Scottish tea( nothing like it!"  
  
Then they watched a few fireworks, and heard girlish screaming coming from Gandalf's tent.  
  
Then they watched Celeborn and Co. sneak out of their tent, whispering, "I wonder where she hides it."  
  
"Shhh, don't say it loudly you dumbshit! Then they'll want to come!"  
  
The poker players could only guess what they were doing.  
  
But what they didn't understand was why Saruman was wandering around in the nude, cursing under his breath. Something about "Gandalf and his goddamn magic!"  
  
They soon heard the screams of Legolas and Eowyn, shortly after Saruman had wandered into the woods. I guess he interrupted a little something(!  
  
Galadriel's singing grew gradually louder, until finally, they saw Celeborn carry her out of her tent in his arms, dig a hole for her, and shove her head in it. She immediately started to sing as loud as she could.  
  
Going back in time a bit, to where we left Legolas and Eowyn.  
  
So Legolas and Eowyn walked through the forest for a while, talking about their crack head friends and their crazy shenanigans. Until they finally came to a clearing, and Legolas took Eowyn's hands and kissed her gently (ewwwwwwww), which continued profusely. They were obviously in the midst of making out, when Saruman came barging in, naked.  
  
"Have you seen my clothes?!?" he asks desperately, looking around frantically.  
  
Eowyn screamed and ran out of the clearing. Legolas looked disgustedly at Saruman.  
  
"Dude!"  
  
"Sorry("  
  
Legolas ran after his girl, while Saruman continued to look around, and finally finding his white robes crumpled up under a tree.  
  
"Damn you Gandalf! They're wrinkled!"  
  
Back at Gandalf, Bilbo, Theoden and Isildur's tent(  
  
Theoden and Isildur returned from fishing, with one single fish. And of course, everyone was hungry.  
  
Bilbo jumped on Isildur as he came in. "FISH!" he screamed, and made a grab for the silver trout.  
  
Suddenly, Saruman appeared with a rumpled, dirty, white cloak.  
  
"Gandalf, there is no washing machine on this ISLAND!" With ever word, he grew louder.  
  
Gandalf smirked, "serves you right!"  
  
Saruman growled, and went to pout in a corner.  
  
Isildur kicked Bilbo off easily, and Bilbo started crying. "There, there Bilbo," Theoden patted Bilbo on the back.  
  
"I'm(*sob*(hungry! *sob*" he said through shaky tears.  
  
"So am I, but I'm not complaining(" mumbled Gandalf.  
  
Author's Notice (Dom): slowly running out of ideas, to much brain power used for foolish mortal teacher's math homework, that for some reason, I decided to actually finish tonight. Anyway, more in next chapter, finding food and organizing a "special event" to keep them alive, un-sober and entertained. Yep, you guessed it a party! But planning is everything, so it will be quite a few chapters before it takes place.  
  
Author's Notice (Lily): ok, this chapter is done, so I hope you all enjoyed it! I got all these responses, and I just HAD to write more, even though I'm supposed to be packing ( I am actually going to Germany tomorrow, so I'm afraid I won't be writing anything more for another two weeks, but I promise, once I get back, I'll write another chapter ( See you all later, NAMARIIE!!!! 


	4. A Time to Party

AN (Lily): LALALALALA!!!!!!! I've FINALLY wrote the next chappie! Muhaha! does muhaha dance Really sorry people, but I have finished ALL my homework, and I'm celebrating by writing another chapter! All I have to do is my exams, and that's not 'till Friday! And their easy too. grins so enjoy everyone!

Disclaimer: They're Tolkien's, okay?!? Oh, and also a rip off of the movie "Cast Away" :D. And the Titanic...

* * *

**_The Lord of the Castaways- There's a time and a place for partying... and this is it! (Chapter 4)_**

So, the castaways are starving, and they all got to watch Isildur and Theoden enjoy their fish in front of them, while they sat and drooled.

Saruman walked out of his tent wearing rumpled, dirty, white robes (or now a light brown).

They all giggled silently.

"Gandalf...!" He growled through clenched teeth.

Gandalf looked over at his buddy, meandered over to him, patted him on his shoulder, and said in a polite English accent, "so sorry... not really..." Then walked over to Elrond's, and... well.

"Good God, man!

"Elf," replied Elrond, "I am an ELF!"

"Whatever. My point is, what in Sauron's name are you doing?" Sauron suddenly hears his name, for he too is in the tent with Elrond. "Dude, leave me out of this."

"And HE is not SAURON anymore. He is BATMAN!" Elrond shouted sarcastically. Sauron stopped what he was doing, and frowned at Elrond. "Odd," he said, then went back to packing for his "escape" from the island.

You see, Elrond had been....frolicking on the beach, when he found a peculiar white ball (which he later found out, was a "volley ball") and decided to keep it. He grew rather fond of it, and took it to bed with him that night. So, Gandalf found this "magic" being, in a tent, hugging a volley ball, the way a little girl would hug her dolly.

"Put the ball down, elf..." Gandalf said calmly.

"This is not just a ball, my friend...oh no. It is...WILSON!" And as he said "Wilson", he trust the ball in Gandalf's face.

"You named it?"

"It was already named."

"Dude, I knew you could foresee things, but you can't "foresee" the name of a VOLLEY BALL!

"But it's on the ball!"

Gandalf turned the ball around, and, sure enough, in black letters, the name "Wilson" was printed.

"Odd," commented Gandalf.

"Hey, that's my word!" Sauron said, offended.

"Quiet you."

"Don't tell me to be quiet!" he exclaimed as he lunged for Gandy. But despite the wrinkled appearance of the old wizard, he moved quite fast, and Sauron ended up landing on Elrond's ball.

"WILSON!" he shrieked, and grabbed the ball out from under Sauron, and began to pet/stoke it. "Are you okay Wilson?" Elrond scowled at Gandalf and Sauron and stormed out of the tent.

Sauron kicked Gandy's knee, and he fell over, but...

"Nudala Findala Saurona!"

_Meanwhile..._

"We should really do something, like have a barbeque, or something," said Pippin.

"That would be great, but in case you hadn't noticed... THERE IS NO BARBEQUE ON THIS ISLAND!" yelled Frodo.

"Dude, you need some chill pills!" said Grima.

Pippin pouted, looking really cute, and hide behind Diamond.

"Yeah, we should throw a party... 'cause I'm getting tired of playing poker," Diamond mumbled.

"Where are we going to get the materials...like the food, and the decorations, and what about the booze??? It's not a party without booze!" Exclaimed Sam.

"Don't worry we'll find a way," replied Rosie, smiling at her Sam.

"Besides, it's fun to plan a party," said Diamond, taking out her notepad.

"A PARTY! YAY!" rejoiced Merry. "We are going to par-ty! La la la la la... LA!" he sang, and Estella giggled.

"Now... we will need..." started Diamond. "Food!!!" squealed Pippin.

"No duh!"

"Well, where are we going to get it? Food doesn't grow on trees!" Pippin said in a confused voice.

awkward silence

"Yes it does sweetie... yes it does," Diamond explained soothingly.

"They have Crisp Trees?" Pippin smiles hopefully.

_Back to Celeborn's drug hunt..._

So they had crept into Galadriel's tent, and Celeborn was surprised to find his girlfriend digging holes and singing into them. Slurppey had spotted the stash, and Celeborn picked up a still singing Galadriel, plunked her outside, dug a hole, and stuck her head into it. They grabbed the drugs and made their way back to their tent, only to see Sauron running out with no clothes on. They entered the tent and found Gandalf sitting there, chuckling to himself.

They looked at him quizzically, then Gandy started laughing hysterically. Slurppey walked over to the wizard, picked him up by the scruff of his collar, and stuffed him outside.

_Back to the random couple that Dom insisted on making...but Lily will change that soon...MUHAHA!......sorry, back to the story..._

So, the couple decided to return to the hobbits, and partake in their party plans.

"We need to find BEER!" yelled Legolas, as he barged in on their conversation, very un-elf like.

"Ah yes, beer!" said Merry adding it to Diamond's list, who had gotten tired of taking orders and had fallen asleep in Pippin's lap, while that cute little hobbit stroked her hair (awwww!).

"Or any alcoholic beverage," Eowyn pointed out.

Finally, after about an hour of planning, they were ready to scout for supplies. Soon, the group was joined by some more eager party animals: Eomer, Boromir, Faramir, Aragorn, Frank, Haldir, Gamling and Gimli. The Anonymous V Leader decided to help too.

Eomer was getting pissed off, as he watched Legolas flirt continuously with his sister, with his arm around her waist, and him whispering in her ear, and her...giggling! IT WAS DISPICABLE! .......sorry, random out-burst of what Eomer's thinking... moving on...

"I'm really starting to get mad with that elf," He growled to Gimli. Gimli shrugged, "meh!"

Suddenly, they heard the loud, obnoxious sound of noise makers and then an exceptionally large explosion of rainbow confetti. They all look up and see the ents on their yacht, (they could smell the alcohol already), and watch Treebeard, branched widespread, at the hull of the ship yelling, "I'm flying! Jack look, I'm FLYING!" He spots the group and exclaims, "Kung Hei Fat Choi!" (Happy Chinese New Year, in Chinese).

Then, the Anonymous V Leader had an idea, "Hey, we were thinking of throwing a party here! We could use some booze and grub. Ya wanna lend us some?" he yelled to the tree herder.

Treebeard ponders for a moment, "sure, why not? But you'll have to swim for it!" he exclaims, and throws five kegs of beer and six boxes of food overboard.

Aragorn, Boromir, Faramir, Legolas, Eomer, Haldir and Gamling look at each other, smile and yell out a war cry as they plunge into the water.

"AHHH!"

They heard a girly scream come from behind, and the men turn around to find Gamling splashing about squealing. "It's COLD!" he screamed at them, then turned around and ran back to the others and threw himself onto the beach. "Warm me holy grains of sand!"

The swimmers just stared at him in mid-wade. "Wussy pussy," muttered Haldir under his breathe. They returned retrieving their goodies, each man taking two. Aragorn, being the macho boy that he is, took three. Boromir tried to do the same, balancing one on his head, but instead knocking himself out. Legolas ended up carrying him to shore, and Eowyn giggled at the two men's immense strength. Legolas won her over when he smiled dreamily at her. He dropped Boromir on his head, just as he was waking, and he blacked out again. Legolas went over to "his girl", kissing her and putting his arm round her waist.

Eomer growled. "That elf! I swear I will throttle him in his sleep!" He looked down at the sand and saw a gorgeous shell. He smirked and picked it up, fishing a silver chain out of his pocket. He strung it through the shell and brought it to Eowyn.

"Here sis, Happy Birthday!" he said, putting emphasizing "birthday", making a point clear to the elf, and handed her the necklace. Eowyn gasped at the necklace, "thanks!" she said, hugging him and putting it over her shiny golden hair. Legolas looked ashamed and Eowyn giggled.

"Don't worry, it's not really my birthday." Eomer scowled and Legolas looked relieved.

So the cracked open the crates and set the bar up, along with a long table for the food (if your wondering where it came from, they did have a wizard in their midst).

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AN (Lily) : Phew! THAT was challenging! Long chapter, or least it seemed so to me, 'cause I kept getting interrupted. So yeah, I hope you enjoyed it. Next chapter, the party starts! YAY! I like parties. They're fun. So, the usual, review! Namariie.


	5. Look! A tree

AN :Honestly, I was just looking over my (very short) chapters, and when ever I have a lot of periods, or stars, it shows up as some random symbol or nothing at all, so sorry 'bout that. Also, it doesn't show italics, bold or underlining. If it continues to happen, your just going to have to play along. No wait...problem solved... Yeah, I said before that my chapters are short, so I'll try to fix that, but you'll have to bear with me for a couple more chappies, ok? So, enjoy the next chapter, and any suggestions for some funnies, or new characters, shot.

Disclaimer: Blah Blah Blah, not mine. But Imagination Circus is! grin

Hype: Thanks, you're the only one who reviewed! Feel special. Yeah, I don't know why I let Dom add in that particular romance, so I think I'll flick him out... Eowyn is such a player :D. But she's still one of my favorite characters! But I ask you HOW could I have forgotten Elladan and Elrohir?! I'll add 'em in, no worries. We did consider them though, along with other characters like Beorn and Tom Bombadil, but we thought there was too many characters.

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**_The Lord of the Castaways- Look! There's a tree out my window...(chapter 5)_**

The afternoon was sunny and warm, and people were slowly coming over to the bar to get something to drink. Suddenly, a giant hand comes out from the sky and drops two men (or elves) in one of the tall trees above the "bar".

"Dude, where did they come from?" asked Eomer, with a beer halfway to his mouth.

"I dunno..." muttered Aragorn.

"Who the hell are you?!" yelled Boromir, a little too loudly.

"We are brothers. He is Elladan, and I, Elrohir. Could you help us down?"

"NO!" exclaimed Faramir, "can't you climb down a tree your self? I mean, your elves, aren't you?"

"Well, we're not really used to Palm trees, and it's too far to jump," Elladan answered, "please help us down."

"NO!" Faramir repeated, "you might take our alcohol!"

"Mmmmh... a-l-c-o-h-o-l-..." slurred Boromir, one arm hung drunkenly over Slurppey's shoulder. "I can't believe you are already drunk!" Slurppey shook his head, ignoring the cries from above them.

"He has a very low tolerance of alcohol," said Faramir, "dad used to give him a sip of his wine, and he would just pass out!" Boromir stomped his feet, "I DO NOT HAVE A LOW TOLORANCE OF ALCOHOL!" and with that said, he keeled over and landed flat on his face. They could hear muffled snoring come from his limp body.

"One down, thirty-eight to go," mumbled Aragorn to himself, staring at Boromir. "Forty!" yelled Elladan. "Quiet you," shot Slurppey.

"Hey, does the Ring really count? I mean, he can't get drunk, can he?" wondered Faramir. "Meh," Gimli shrugged.

_Meanwhile..._

"VROOM! ER-ER-ER! NEE-OO NEE-OO! SCREEEEECH!"

"What are they doing?" Pippin asked. "If I only knew..." Merry replied.

Frodo and Grima had found not only the booze, but a broom as well, and they were sitting on it, running around and making car sound affects. Frodo's eyes were wide with excitement, and Grima was just laughing and hiccupping as he went along. "Vro hic om!" he grinned and took another swig of his Molson.

"Ahh," said Merry as he too indulged in a drink, "nothing like good canuckian beer!"

"They're called Canadians, Merry," said Pippin, with a hint of pride in his voice of his vast knowledge of Canada and the folk that lived there (not). Merry stared at him with a blank expression, "it was a joke, Pip."

"Oh..." Pippin looked ashamed. "Here, have a beer," Same handed him a Labatt Blue, but never taking his eyes off Grima and Frodo, lest he hurt Mr. Frodo... "Thanks," said Pippin, cheering up a bit. "Shh, don't tell Gandalf!" Sam smiled and laid his arm around Rosie's shoulders again.

Diamonds eyes fluttered open (as her head was still in Pippin's lap) and lifted her head to look around, slightly confuzzled. "Wha- what's happening? Why are there cars and ambulances..."

"VROOOOOM!" Frodo screeched.

"What in Middle Earth? Galadriel?" she questioned, but the other hobbits shook their heads, and Pippin held up his beer, "nope! Alcohol!" A grin passed over the hobbit lasses face, and her eyes grew wide as she groped for the bottle. Pippin handed her the Blue, and she chugged the rest. "I never knew she was so keen on ale," commented Estella, staring at Diamond.

"I got her hooked on it last year at the Green Dragon. Her father never forgave me for that one," Rosie shook her head. "Ah, I see," said Estella, nodding and leaning in to Merry for warmth. "It's getting chilly out here," she said. Merry automatically took off her coat and put it round Estella's shoulders, who drew it close to her body. "Thank you," she replied and looked up at him lovingly. Merry smiled down at her, and kissed her forehead.

"Oooooooo!" they heard Grima say from behind them. "Merry and Estella, sittin' on a stump!"

"Merry's hand 'slipped' and pinched her rump!" added Frodo. "Dude, that was SWEET!" Grima exclaimed and high-fived the hobbit.

"Oh shut up Frohoe!" snapped Merry defensively. Frodo scowled at him.

"Hey, just because he sleeps around..." said Grima. Frodo's jaw dropped, and he slapped Grima before stalking off to play with the Ring.

"What's up his ass...?" Grima muttered.

_Back again..._

So Sauron eventually returned, looking very excited as he spotted the "refreshments". He chugged down a Heineken and stuffed a banana muffin in his mouth. "Mmmh... baninis!" said Sauron, his mouth full and smiling.

Galadriel decided to emerge from her hole as well and join the party. Elrond put Wilson away carefully in his tent, singing a lullaby to it, much to the embarrassment of Arwen, and, way up in the tree, Elladan and Elrohir.

"Well, I think it's cute," Aragorn said amongst the snickers.

"That's only 'cause you wanna get laid. Nah uh, not gonna happen! To much shit going on tonight. I mean, just look at Frohoe, I mean, Frodo." She muttered something about keeping her mouth shut, and not to blab about "that night".

Aragorn looked quizzically at her. Arwen saw a billion questions were about to erupt, so she just giggled and smothered him in kisses, drowning any thoughts of Fro...do...

From above them, "hey! Get your hands off our sister!" demanded Elrohir.

"Aw, go climb up a tree..."

Everyone stared at Aragorn.

"What?"

The twins decided to ignore Aragorn, and continue to try and get down. "Sis, will you please help us?" Elrohir asked pleadingly. "After all those times you told on me to dad about Aragorn?...naw," replied Arwen with a smirk. They groaned.

The Anonymous V. Leader stumbled around with his seven followers, who were pretending to be drunk as well, to make their master look noble... kinda.

Frank poked his head out of the tent, spotted the beer, screamed, jumped up and down and pissed himself. He then leapt back into the tent. "You guuuyz!!" he said, sitting cross legged and rocking back and forth. "They have BEER!!" he squealed. Gamling gasped, but Haldir pouted, "what about Imagination Circus?"

Both Frank and Gamling stared at him. "Dude..." said Frank.

"Sorry..." replied Haldir, and ran after the others. Gamling ran to the beer table, but Gandalf grabbed him. "No my boy, you don't need anything to giddy you up anymore."

Gamling's eyes welled up, "but... but..."

"No butts!" Gandalf shook his finger at him, "and especially no weed!" Gamling hung his head in shame, but then his eyes lit up with an idea. He ran down to the grass, picked some, ran back to his tent, grabbed paper and a lighter and rolled the grass. Faramir watched him, shaking his head. "Dipshit."

Gandalf frowned at him, started to say something, but stopped himself and went back to chatting with Celeborn.

Theoden and Isildur both looked annoyed, as Gandalf spoiled their fun of being the only ones who had food. "Gandalf is such a Poohead!" yelled Isildur, making sure that Gandy could hear. "Poohead, poohead, poohead!" they squealed in a scattered chant, sounding oddly like birds.

Suddenly, Bilbo's high, squeaky laugh rang out over the crowd, "hehehe! Elrond made a funny!"

Arwen slapped her forehead and shook her head, which was hidden in her hands. "What has he done NOW??" Everyone had gotten accustomed to the noises that kept coming from above their heads, and they didn't notice their groans this time either. Aragorn put his arm around Arwen's shoulder, "there, there."

"He he he, he said that he wasn't going to drink!" squeaked Bilbo, still laughing.

"Well, I'm not!" Elrond proclaimed loudly, "I am the designated driver!"

Everyone stared at him, even the crickets.

"You are all a bunch of alcoholics!"

"Party pooperssss..." hissed Gollum.

Celeborn and Sauron looked at each other. "Every party has a pooper and the pooper is a you! Elrond Halfelven! Party pooper!" and they sang it continuously, linking arms and swinging 'round, doing a number of dances. Until the Anonymous V. Leader and Slurppey banged their heads in with Sam's pots and pans. The Anonymous V. Leader brushed his heads. "Done and done!" he said, and walked away. Legolas picked up a pan, and turned it around. "They dented it," he said, frowning.

Gimli shrugged, "meh."

Legolas looked at him, "dude, would you stop?!" Gimli shrugged and shook his head, "meh."

Legolas bitch slapped him, and Gimli looked at him strangely. "Tiffany?!" he asked. Legolas looked dumbstruck, "whaaa?"

But Gimli pounced on him, wrapping him in a big, burly hug. "Tiff-Tiff! Oh my Jesus!" he said in a vlley girl voice. Legolas looked at him quizzically.

"It's me, Chelsea, don't you remember?" the dwarf hung his head. Legolas shook his head, "your whacked man! Totally whacked!"

Gimli looked up, "no one has whacked me..."

Legolas threw his hands in the air. "Useless git!" he exclaimed, and walked back over to Eowyn, who was watching her brother trying to light a bonfire. But just as Legolas was about to come up right behind her, a loud voice filled the sky, and the giant hand from before came down upon them. "I've had enough of you!" and the hand flicked Legolas across the island.

"Oh, come ON!" Eomer yelled furiously at the twigs, not noticing a thing going on.

Eowyn whimpered as she stared at the place where Legolas had disappeared into the trees.

"Dude, your doing it wrong!" yelled Faramir from behind Eomer, also not paying attention. Eomer pointed a finger at him, "watch your mouth, boy!" he threatened.

"He can't, he can't see it!" exclaimed Gamling.

"ErrrrrrrrrarGH!!!" screamed Frodo, pulling at his hair, "it's an EXPRESSION!" he yelled at Gamling, who cowered.

Grima made a face at him, "dude, chillax!"

"That's not even a word, DUMBFUCK!" Frodo screeched. Grima put his hands in the air, "whatever."

"Back away from the nut..." said Faramir to Grima.

"That's right!" Frodo placed his hands on his hips, "I'm a nut... in a hut... I stole an apple from a tree, so what?... I'm crazy (crazy!)... I'm foolish (foolish!)...I'm crazy, I'm foolish, I'm a nut, FREEZE!!" he sang, an pulled out a huge water gun. Gamling's mouth hung open, "so what? SO! You tree-lifted!" he said.

"I DID NOT LIFT A TREE!" yelled Frodo, and he stormed off to tent #7, where the ring had slowly made it's way back. "Hodge... Podge...!" the Ring whispered to Frodo, "you did lift a tree, I can see it up-rooted from here..."

Frodo pointed at the Ring, "THAT is NOT the point!"

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AN: Yeah, so I hope anyone who is reading this has enjoyed the chapter... I took care of some unfinished business snickers and I hope it's longer, but I doubt it :D. More funnies coming up, but there's always room for more, so don't be afraid to suggest something. Have a safe and fun summer! Till the next Chapter...


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